"This is the last time......"

During my time, in the 60s, English was not an important subject in the Chinese primary schools. It was included "officially" in the upper primary curriculum (standard four and above) only.

Theoretically, the lower primary students (standard one to three) were not required to learn English. However, in my school (might be practiced in other schools too), English was scheduled in the time-tables "unofficially" for standard two and three classes i.e it was taught as a subject to the students, but there would not be any assessment in the year-end examination.

Knowing that English marks wouldn't be included in report card, thus not affecting a student's overall performance or class position, I (in standard two) didn't take English lessons seriously. Most of the time I would not be paying attention, but chatting away with friends in the class. I was too young to realize the benefit of learning an extra language.

After a couple of lessons, our teacher felt that it's time to evaluate our progress. " I will give you a spelling test in two days' time. You better be prepared.... " he said.

Two days later, as the teacher came into the class, he picked up a piece of chalk and wrote on the blackboard, "Test", while many of us were still walking around in the class.

"Get back to your places and we shall start now.... "

Test? Oh yes... there's a test! But I'd totally forgotten about the test! I was unprepared and afraid to sit for the test (mum would cane me if I failed). Out of no choice I tried my luck - begged the teacher to postpone the test to the next day. May be because it was the first time, the teacher agreed.

"It's so easy to deal with this teacher..... no need to worry about the test anymore ...." I "mused" and didn't bother to prepare again. I used the same old trick of begging.... . Surprisingly, it worked! We got another postponement without any difficulty.

I was too naive to assume that we could postpone the test indefinitely. Too bad, we failed on our third trail. When the teacher refused to "compromise", I was really panic (mum's big cane!). I stood up and said, "If that's the case, all of us will hand up blank paper..... please.... give us one last chance..." (Oh my God, I was threatening the teacher).

After all the begging and pleading from the whole class, the soft-spoken teacher eventually gave in reluctantly, "Okay, but this is the last time...., I mean it.... " 

Looked like it's "effortless" to "settle" this teacher who was too "green" to deal with naughty students. I thought I was smart and the teacher's warning of "this is the last time... I mean it... " exerted no significant impact on me....

On the D-day, I thought the teacher would be "charmed"as usual. But, just the reverse, the teacher was annoyed and he meant business this time. He proceeded with the test without mercy. Almost the whole class got 0% and I "scored" 20%.

This matter was brought up to my form teacher. I was reprimanded for leading the whole class in this nonsense. Having been a good student in standard one, I felt ashamed of my behaviour and sincerely apologized to the English teacher in front of the whole class.

The English teacher who was also one of my favourite teachers later, forgave me. He said to me, "Bear in mind : 'this is the last time' implies 'this is the last chance for you'. If you still do not take heed, people will not trust you anymore and you would have to face the consequences the hard way...."

This was of course "the last time" for all my tricks....

And apart from this, I was fortunate to be spared from mum's caning since no one passed this test in the class. But I was warned too of : "This is the last time..."

After this incident, I can tell you one lesson for sure I will remember a lifetime is: "This is the last time.....". And not forgetting to mention also one of the words which I couldn't spell in that test was.....BIRD.... ( hard to believe, right? hahahaha.......)

Returning from Melbourne......

I attended my daughter's convocation in Melbourne recently. Being a proud mother of a double master's degree holder, I didn't mind going through the hassle of travelling eight hours (one way, not to mention another three and a half hours for check-in and airport transfer ) on a cheap flight just for the occasion.

I was happy to see her achievements. Nevertheless, it's not easy for me to accept the fact that she would not return with me to our homeland after her graduation. I couldn't help feeling a bit sad though I had known this earlier; requesting me to bring over some items for her was a dead giveaway (if she was returning home with us, that would be unnecessary).

Well, since I had encouraged my children to venture out pursuing their intellectual interests in any field and at anywhere under the sun they wish, I should also accept the fact that they might continue to catch their dreams, one after another without returning home ... .

I thought being a "modern" mum with "liberal" thinking, it's "perfectly fine" for me .... . But when I felt tears bursting out my eyes on my return flight home, I knew I was just like any mother on earth - couldn't help feeling painful that my child would be far far away from me for a lifetime....

I gazed out the plane window; dark clouds had blocked the sun. Oh.... where's my blue sky.....

Have a hobby.....

"What are you guys doing at home right now?" the first question my elder son would ask whenever he makes a call from 300km away, imagining we are couch potatoes....

"Don't worry. I am not bored for a single minute; I am very busy; I have a lot of things to do here ...." I would answer him promptly.

Sounds a bit strange to him! How could a retiree be that busy? He must be wondering.

Not exaggerating, most of the time I am preoccupied with some kind of activities, indoor or outdoor, solely for relaxation and enjoyment. Time and money are not so much of my concern now. My point is: since I've been working hard for the past few decades, isn't it time now to sit back and relax? Nothing to feel guilty about spending for leisure.

I collect stamps with my children; I create maxicards, following the steps of my brother; I make patchwork quilts that I learn from my late mum; I crack my head doing killer kakuro... ; I read books; I play the piano... ; I do gardening .... ; I sew .... ; I immerse myself in "intoxicating" music from the the turntable which my husband has tweaked......

That's what keeps me "busy" all the time. And life is interesting and exciting as you can see!

It's good to engage oneself in hobbies or some healthy activities during free time. This is especially true for the senior citizens. Other than for enjoyment and to past time, such activities may also help to prevent depression and perhaps slow down dementia and Alzheimer disease. Even my late mum had said before, "It's good to have a hobby or you will be bored to death sitting around doing nothing..." She gave full support to my husband for spending all his free time on tweaking turntables and listening to records.

A turntable and analogue music hobbyist, my husband also encourages his fellow retiree friends to pick up at least a hobby, "It's good to have a hobby. But it's important that your wife has hers too. When both of you are engrossed in your own hobby respectively, there would be "absolute peace" at home!"

This is his great theory behind!

It's logical because they would have no time to berate each other for spending too much time and money on hobbies.

So before you engross yourself in a hobby, remember to get a hobby for your spouse too....

U-turn

When I was writing on "GPS" in my last post, it reminded me of a story related to U-turn.

Once I was in the car with my two brothers, CH and CW. We were looking at the GPS to find our way. CH who had brought back this new GPS from Australia was explaining to CW, the driver how good and "intelligent" this new GPS was.

"Whenever you make a mistake and fail to follow its instruction, it would search quickly to direct you to another new route. You are "switched" back on the "right path" almost instantly. The old GPS is not as intelligent; it will signal you to make a U-turn each time you make a wrong turn, really hopeless......" said CH.

It might be just some general remarks on the "GPS's" , but somehow the part on "U-turn" set me thinking. I learnt an invaluable lesson.

Life is like a journey on a one-way street with many small lanes branching off from it. As we travel along we are bound to make mistakes; we might enter the wrong path; we might be drifted afar from the right track. How we wish there's a U-turn somewhere for us to turn back .... . But just too bad, there is No U-turn in this journey! So it's no point look back to the past with regrets or hope to find a U-turn back to the same path like the old GPS.

Lesson from the new GPS : Waste no time to take on a new path which leads to our destinations rather than keep harping on the mistakes in the past.

"GPS"

For drivers who have poor sense of directions, GPS device is the best solution.

With the GPS, you don't have to do any homework prior to your trip to any new place; you don't have to struggle with the map, studying how to get there.

You just drive like a robot, following closely to the instruction of your GPS. And there you are - at your destination. No headaches, no hassles, no arguments among the passengers and the driver of which way to follow..... just "listen" to the GPS.

You save time and effort; you cut down unnecessary travelling, going in and out the wrong routes.

It's really "clear cut", in other words.

My youngest brother, CW asked recently in his face book, "Is there a GPS for life, that tells you which path to take, which turn to make, and eventually leads you to your destination?"

A good question which makes me ponder. And I wonder if you can locate a "GPS" within you, guiding you of what direction to take and which way to go?

I believe a person who follows a religion "automatically" possesses a "GPS" which is "powered" by the teaching of God. Unless the person deliberately "choose" to do evil and to continue in that wrong path, God's voice is always there, like the GPS system, reminding him to return to the right track.

Does it mean that for those who do not believe in God, they would not have a "GPS"?

Conscience combined with principles and convictions would be your "GPS". You will also be well-guided such that you would not "enter" the wrong path with the help of warning signals from your "GPS"(conscience).

The question is : Do we "switch on" our "GPS's" always.......?

For parents and children

A friend of mine forwarded this message to me. I think it's really a good message to share with everyone (parents/children), so I have copied it down to post here:

This is a powerful message in our modern society. We seemed to have lost our bearing & our sense of direction.

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision.

The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.

The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none".

The director asked, " Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked, " Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.*

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

The Director asked, " please tell me your feelings."

The youth said, Number 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today. Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said, " This is what I am looking for to be my manager.
I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?*

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

You would have forwarded many mails to many and many of them would have back mailed you too...but try and forward this story to as many as possible...this may change somebody's fate...

I have hobbies and pastimes now!

I was very busy with job, family and children for the past few decades. "Enjoyment" was too luxurious for me as I had to work day and night .

"Pastimes" and "hobbies" had never come across my mind. To me it's absurd and "sinful" to think about it since time was not even sufficient to carry out the main task at hand.

You are right to say that I had missed a lot of "good things" in life (going to movies, shopping sprees, food extravaganza, traveling abroad...). But there's no regret. I accepted it as part of the reality of life; while you set your mind to achieve your goals, there's bound to be some sacrifices you have to make. Life is always fair. You have to pay a price for everything.

Now a retiree, I am glad that my life's struggle is over. Time is completely at my disposal. "All play and no work" is the "bonus" at this moment to make up for what I could have missed in the past.

For once, I can do something "just" for leisure and relaxation without feeling guilty that this portion of the time and money could be better spent for family and children.

Hobbies, pastimes and enjoyments are not any more luxuries to me.

At last I am waving goodbye to my "dull Jack" image....

Pack and go

I always have the idea that "pack and go" is simply not for mothers.

Just recently, my eldest son, working already for a year since last July was back home for a short break. He gladly told me that he had paid up his study loan within the interest-free period. And as for the surplus he had in the bank account, he wanted to treat us to a cruise vacation.

"Next week? No, it's too rush! I am unable to get myself prepared. " I said.

"What do you need to prepare? Just pack and go! Even if you need to take the whole week to pack, there's still time." he sounded a bit puzzled what I meant by "too rush"!

"Now that only two of you are at home, it makes no difference whether you are home or out travelling. Why worry ?" he continued as he scrolled down the computer screen, looking for more information.

I didn't answer him. I was not prepared psychologically. I still felt it's bit too rush for me.

"Well, if you really can't make up your mind now, let me know later and I will book for you. " thank goodness he read my mind and didn't pursue any further.

"Just pack and go?" Yes, why can't I just pack and go? What's there to worry?

Putting aside temporarily the cruise vacation, what about just pack and go to somewhere near ?Yes, why not just pack and go for once! That could be fun!

I searched my handbag for the hotel voucher given by my brother some time ago. "The Pearl of the Orient" was just the right place to begin with! I dialled immediately to book for a room. "Madam, so I confirm your booking for a three-night stay, checking in tomorrow....." The receptionist on the line repeated my request just to be sure.

It was 10pm when I put down the phone and I was serious this time to just pack and go, the very next morning. No detailed planning, no preparation whatsoever, nor taking the trouble to inform anyone including my children. Yeah, just pack and go!

After 41/2 hours' of driving, which included stop over at two places for durian and "local delicacies", we finally arrived at our destination,  "The Pearl of the Orient" (a beautiful island that held many of my fondest memories during varsity days). A relaxing and hassle free journey heading north, we enjoyed both food and great scenery all the way.

Haha..... it's not really that difficult to just pack and go after all.

Stepping into the cool hotel lobby, we couldn't wait a second to register at the reception desk. And just at that moment, my husband's mobile phone which happened to be in my hand rang. He asked me to answer as he continued searching for his identity card in the wallet for registration ...

"Mum, my computer is down. I put it in the school bag together with my water tumbler and it's all wet now..... . I need a spare computer urgently as I have a lot of projects to do this week ....." it was my youngest son who was studying at a boarding school 300km away from home. And at this moment, oh my God, the distance was doubled, after we had travelled another 300km in the opposite direction, in this exciting "pack and go" bliss.

"Sir, so your booking is for three nights and we have great deals..." I heard the pretty receptionist talking to my husband whilst my son was still on the line. Before my husband could open his mouth to answer, I  turned to tell her off quickly, "Oh no, sorry, I think we have just changed our mind....".  I didn't know how to tell her we had a "fire-fighting" task to attend to ...

Haven't I tried to just pack and go? I sighed. And as we were about to walk off, the enthusiastic receptionist still tried her luck explaining to my husband the irresistible deals in our Malaysian English, " Stay three nights is very worth, 1st night 50% off, 2nd night 70% off, 3rd night free ......".

Alvin and the Chipmunks

My husband and I have bought quite a lot of old records recently. His favourite includes the violin, trumpet, guitar and jazz music and he looks for records with good recording. Being a practical person, I am not that particular. "Value for money" is my first consideration, with some exceptions of course.

In our collections, there are albums by Elvis, Beatles, Bee Gees, Tom Jones, Cliff Richard and many other artistes who were our teen idols. In those days, there were no computers and internet, listening to pop songs was teenagers' favourite pastime, a real "cool" thing in that era!

Last weekend, in our usual routine of treasure-hunting (looking for records and other collectables in the flea markets), I came across three albums of animated music by "Avin and the Chipmunks". Over excited with the rare find, I grabbed them all without hesitation and forgot even to bargain as I normally did. "Avin and the Chipmunks" was one of the favourite TV series which I watched together with my children many years back. I had never missed any of its episodes. Their songs were just beautiful.

To be more specific, I love songs by all animated groups. And as I recall, it was not "Alvin and the Chipmunks" that had first enchanted me. Yes, it was another group, "The Grasshoppers", in the 60s when I was around ten. The "singing bugs" were brought home all the way from Singapore by my uncle. Very attractive album cover, depicting three grasshoppers, wearing straw hats and bow-ties, leaning against the piano and singing joyfully. Songs in the album were lively and catchy and I learnt my first English song, "how much is the doggie in the window" with these grasshoppers. May be that's the reason I have deep feelings for songs by animated characters!

Introducing my "Alvin and the Chipmunks" collections to my husband, I could not wait to spin them on the turntable. "Songs by the chipmunks? I didn't know chipmunks could sing!" I heard him mumbling to himself as I walked into my room.

I turned on the record player. The needle was making its journey through the record groove. I was excited to hear the sweet voices of the trio wafting through the air.....

It was the album - "Around the world with the Chipmunks". The Chipmunks were singing in Japanese .....

All of a sudden, my husband peeped his head through the door I left ajar, "Chipmunks are really clever; not only they can sing, they even know Japanese...." 

Frankly, you may laugh, I also thought so when I first heard the "singing bugs" (grasshoppers could sing!?), not knowing that it was a technique of speeding up the playback to get that higher pitch voices.....

Embrace aging

I had been telling my children that my memory seemed deteriorating quite sharply recently; I couldn't remember events that had just happened one or two days ago; I couldn't recall where I had kept my things; I had forgotten how to write/spell a lot of words..... .

"Oh, that's just sign of aging. It is perfectly normal.... " They would console me and at the same time reminded me that I was no longer as young as I thought myself to be.

Clearly, aging has made its appearance in my life; so it is not just "loss of memory", it is "loss of youth" that I am facing! "Loss of memory" is merely a subset of "loss of youth" if I were to use set theory to explain (thank God, I still remember set theory! ). Well, don't tell me further what are the other elements in this set of "loss of youth" as I already know that all of them would begin with the four letters word - "loss"!

Fearful of aging? I can't say "No". On and off, I think of dementia, Alzheimer diseases, etc.

On the other hand, my husband who is two years older than me has quite a different perspective on aging. His "theory" is since we can't possibly predict what is our own journey ahead, it is no point preoccupying our mind with unnecessary and unfruitful thoughts; we should be thinking of how best to spend the "limited" time we have in hand. 

Yes, I should be thinking of what I can do now that will take root in my children; I should be thinking of doing something that will outlast me; I should be thinking of pursuing my unfulfilled dreams that most probably would bring me joy ......

No doubt I can't bring back the bygone days of my youth, but I certainly can bring back the same joy felt in my youth.