Quarrels in marriage

Quarrels as we know, start with conflicts and disagreements. Very often a small dispute could end up as big quarrel in the end. Yes, to start a quarrel, big or small, is as easy as that! What about the consequences of quarrels? Who would bother when caught up in the heat of the moment! If fortunate there's a possibility to patch things up after quarrel (provided not too serious), but more often than not, due to anger, pride and hurt, many end up as enemies. Whatever it is, life still goes on (not much affected) if parties involved need not have to spend a lifetime together. You may just erase them out of your mind if that makes you feel better. But for quarrels in marriage, it is much much more tricky as after every quarrel, you still have to move on together, under the same roof for the rest of your life.....

No doubt "conflict" starts the quarrel. But most of the time "conflicts of thoughts" is not exactly the main issue though it is a starting point. There are other factors involved without us realising. Very often, these quarrels are very much related to outburst of accumulated feelings of dissatisfaction. Therefore any superficial issue/conflict would be a triggering point too convenient to be deployed. 

As a result you would notice it's NOT arguing rationally on facts, but blaming, accusing...... shouting and scolding each other without meaning. Words used also unknowingly(or intentionally) turn into personal attacks or belittling remarks...... .

There is no real communication at all throughout the quarrel ....... . If there's no communication, can problems be settled? Definitely not!

Instead of talk it out, it's accusation and no compromise. BOTH would be full of grievances and  resentment as though he/she is the sole victim and the only suffering party in the quarrel. Oh dear, have you forgotten the feeling of your loved ones? What would be the outcome of using all those words/remarks on your loved ones? It's hurting, right? Definitely that's not your real intention. But damage is done!

Just figure out yourself, is it possible to settle this type of quarrel once for all? Of course not. We can't expect any positive result out of irrational blaming sessions for sure. So, remember to stop blaming as it would not help. Don't use hurting words which are usually not related to the argument. More importantly I feel, there shouldn't be words of personal attack and belittling remarks (most hurting!)

Also in the argument do not bring out facts of the past to argue over and over again. You would ruin your energy in vain. To solve the "real problem", we have to find out what's the "real problem" is and work on getting a solution for the root cause. 

Remember there is absolutely no winner in quarrels between husbands and wives! IF you can humble yourself to stop the quarrel first, I would consider you to be a winner of love! Why not, give him/her an out (he/she would deeply appreciate and thank you when calm down). There's no point to fight over who is right or wrong and everything would be over if you are willing to take the first humble step.

Or you would notice each quarrel seems to be a repetition of its "predecessor" !

I remembered my grandfather commented that I was quick-tempered. I know without holding my temper, quarrels in marriage would be inevitable. So I always try hard to avoid making those mistakes mentioned above.  Take my word for it, "A check" in time would prevent one from facing the consequences of serious quarrels. 

Forgive and forget. Don't bear grudges. These are important points in marriage. We are not fighting with an enemy, but someone we're deeply in love with and committed to share a lifetime with.  

There is no marriage made in heaven. We have to learn and accept some differences. More importantly, be thankful and contented for what God has given to us.

Avoid using "unpleasant" or personal attack words to hurt each other. "Hurts in the heart" is a variable in an equation which only adds and never subtracts. Don't let it total up to "hatred" or it would be too late to salvage.